Keep You With Me
by Wicked-Witch-of-the-Midwest-18
Summary: I apologize in advance for the awkwardly long first chapter. But yeah...please read it! I IN NO WAY OWN THE BOYS.
1. Chapter 1

The entire way to the hospital, my hands were clenched on the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. This could not be happening. Not now, not to him.

It had just been a normal Thursday night, waiting for my boyfriend to get home, when I had received a phone call saying that he was in the hospital. They wouldn't tell me anything more than that over the phone, so I had jumped in the car and was now speeding down the streets.

Just my luck, there was a massive traffic jam on the way to the hospital, and I groaned loudly as I pulled up behind the car in front of me. My fingers tapped against the steering wheel impatiently as I hoped and prayed that this was all a dream.

Twenty excruciatingly long minutes later, I was moving again. Once I reached my destination, I parked the car, ran across the parking lot, and burst through the doors. Every person in the room turned towards me and I stopped, realizing how crazy I probably looked.

As calmly as I could, I walked up to the front desk where the annoyingly perky receptionist smiled at me. "Can I help you miss?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. _Why else would I be standing here?_ I thought to myself. Out loud I said to her, "Yes, I would like to see Zayn Malik please."

She rifled through her files pain-stakingingly slow, sending my fingers tapping against the counter. The lady looked up at me, the perky look gone off her face as she glared at my fingers. "Are you related to him?"

"I'm his girlfriend," I stated, realizing only after the fact that I probably should have said yes.

"Then you can't see him. Blood relatives only as of right now," she said, an evil glint in her eyes. Obviously she was enjoying this way more than a hospital receptionist should enjoy this.

My eyes widened for a split second before narrowing at her. "They called me. They called saying that my boyfriend was in the hospital and no one would tell me why. And now I drive all the way over here just to find out that I can't see him? I don't think so. I will see him. Now."

She opened her mouth to respond when a doctor walked into the waiting room. "Are you Chloe Anderson?" he asked, looking up from his clipboard at us.

I nodded slowly, my brows furrowed. "Come with me please," he said, turning and walking away. I started to follow him, but turned back towards the lady behind the desk and not so subtly flipped her off. Her jaw dropped and I grinned for a second, relishing the victory.

The grin dropped off my face as the doctor explained what had happened. Apparently Zayn had been driving home when, out of nowhere, a guy sped through a red light, crashing straight into the side of Zayn's car.

Much to my disgust, the other guy had gotten off with a few scrapes and bruises, while my boyfriend was currently in the hospital. The doctor also told me that while Zayn might look normal from the outside, the damage was mostly internal and as of right now, things didn't look good.

We stopped outside Zayn's room and the doctor gave me a gentle smile before walking away. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, bracing myself for what was about to happen.

I poked my head around the door, happy that it was empty except for the boy lying in the bed. I walked the rest of the way into the room and he turned towards me, that same familiar smile on his face. "Chloe, you came!"

"Of course I came! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't?" I replied, smiling at him as I walked over to his bed side and took a seat. "You look great," I told him, slightly surprised that the doctor had been right in saying that there was almost no outward damage.

Zayn chuckled quietly, "And I feel like shit, so there you go." He said it in a teasing matter, but I knew him well enough to see the true pain in his eyes.

Even the thought of him being in pain made tears well up in my eyes and Zayn reached out and took a hold of my hand. "Hey, don't cry."

I looked up at him, my hand clenching his. "Just promise me that everything is going to be okay. Please, just tell me it's going to be okay," I whispered, my voice desperate.

There was a long pause before he sighed heavily, "I can't make that promise Chloe. The doctor said it didn't look good and I have no idea what's going to happen. So I can't tell you that it's going to be okay because I don't know if it will be."

It took less than a second for me to burst into tears after hearing what Zayn had to say. Never, in our entire two year relationship, had he ever admitted not knowing. He was my rock, the one I could always count on to reassure and comfort me. To hear him sound so unsure was heartbreaking.

The grip on my hand tightened slightly as Zayn struggled to sit up. "Please don't cry honey, please. You're going to be okay. That I can promise. You are going to be fine," he said soothingly, pulling me into a hug.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face in his neck. "You can't die. You can't." I sobbed into his shirt.

"I don't really have a choice in the matter Chloe…" he sighed into my hair, rubbing my back gently.

I jumped up, probably scaring the crap out of Zayn, suddenly angry. "No damn it! You can't die! You don't understand, you fucking _can't._"

"Chloe, are you okay?" Zayn asked his eyes wide, quiet in the midst of my rage. He could count on one hand how many times he had heard me swear, so when I did he knew something was seriously wrong.

His words were enough to make me freeze, all anger draining from my body as I dropped into one of the chairs. I held my head in my hands, my shoulders shaking as I started to cry again.

He placed a light hand on my shoulder. "What's the matter babe?" My head snapped up, frowning slightly. "Ok, besides the obvious."

I took a deep, shaky breath and Zayn squeezed my shoulder slightly. "I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't know what you would do, but…" I paused for a second, my eyes glued to the floor as I spoke quietly. "Shit Zayn…I'm pregnant."

There was a long pause and my eyes slowly rose to look at my boyfriend. The look on his face was unreadable and my stomach dropped. "Say something, please?" I whispered.

He ran a shaky hand over his face, looking far worse than he had when I walked in. "Are you really?" I nodded, looking away. There was another, shorter pause before Zayn lifted my chin with his finger. When my eyes met his, a slow smile grew on his face.

"You're not mad?" I asked, a little confused.

"Of course not! Why would I be mad?" Zayn answered, his smile growing as he held my hands.

I shrugged, not being able to help the tiny smile on my face. "Because we're not married. Because we're only nineteen and twenty years old. Because maybe you didn't want kids. I don't know."

He shook his head, "Oh sweetheart, none of that matters. I love you and would have loved to have a family with you," he said with a sad smile on his face.

Any happiness that had surrounded this moment instantly left when I realized what he had just said. I bit my lip and ducked my head, trying my best not to start crying again.

"Shit, sorry Chloe. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry. Come here," he muttered, pulling on me until I got up and even then he kept pulling me closer. "Come on, onto the bed."

I hesitated, not knowing if that was allowed before sighing and climbing in next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and we lied there silently for a while.

A sudden thought occurred to me and I lifted my head to look at Zayn. "Where are the boys at?"

"I told the nurses not to let them up here until after I had seen you. But I'm sure they're around, anxiously waiting to hear what's going on," he answered.

"You mean they don't know what happened?" I asked incredulously. Just remembering how freaked out I had been when I had gotten the phone call, I couldn't imagine what they were thinking right now.

"Oh, they know. They just can't come up here yet," Zayn replied, trying to pull me down next to him again. "Don't worry about it; I made sure someone told them." I nodded slightly and rested my head on his chest again.

It made me feel a little better knowing that the boys weren't completely in the dark about the situation. Those four boys, Liam, Niall, Harry, and Louis, were Zayn's best friends. They had met three years ago at a summer camp and had been nearly inseparable ever since. I had never gotten close with any of them, but I knew how much they meant to Zayn and how much he meant to them.

I snuggled closer to him, kissing his cheek as he wrapped his arm around my waist. He pressed his lips against the top of my head, letting them linger there for a moment. "I love you baby," he whispered.

My eyes squeezed shut against the tears forming as I clenched his t-shirt in my hand. "Zayn…" I whispered quietly, my eyes still shut tight.

"What's up babe?" he asked, sounding sleepy as his thumb rubbed against my arm.

"You need to let the boys come up here. Now," I said, knowing that even though I wanted Zayn to myself, his best friends deserved some time with him too.

Zayn sighed slightly before I felt him nod. "You're probably right. I'll get one of the nurses to send them up."


	2. Chapter 2

Several minutes later, the other four boys had been ushered into the room and had taken seats around the bed. I had tried to get up, but Zayn had insisted that I stay in the bed with him. Considering the circumstances, I didn't protest too hard.

Zayn's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist and I snuggled into him, perfectly fine with lying with him as he talked to his friends. I closed my eyes, soon falling asleep to the sweet lullaby of my boyfriend's voice.

A little while later, I was literally shaken awake. My eyes snapped open, resting on the boy standing in front of me. "Liam?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

He lifted one finger to his lips. "Shh. Zayn's sleeping too. Can we talk please?" he asked, gesturing to the two chairs next to the bed.

I glanced over at Zayn, who was indeed sleeping, before nodding and sitting up. I stayed on the bed, looking at Liam expectantly.

He cleared his throat quietly, taking a seat in front of me. "How are you? Handling things okay?"

Although I was not extremely close with any of the boys, I had always felt closer to Liam than anyone. He was the one that I could talk to about anything, so I sighed heavily before telling him what I couldn't possibly tell Zayn. "No, I'm not. I feel about ready to curl up in the corner and cry until I can't anymore but I can't because I have to be strong for Zayn and I just…I don't know what to do Liam. I don't want to lose him…I can't lose him."

Somewhere in the middle of my confession, my eyes dropped to the floor and silent tears started falling to the ground. Liam's hand cautiously reached out, gently resting on top of my clenched hands. I looked up slowly, my eyes meeting his warm brown ones. "None of us want to lose him Chloe. Obviously we don't really have any control over that, but no matter what happens you are going to be okay. I promise."

It was the same thing that Zayn had told me earlier, but it still didn't make me feel any better. Nothing could make me feel better except for a miraculous recovery from my boyfriend. Since that didn't seem likely, I was feeling at an all-time low.

"Thank you Liam, it means a lot that you came in here," I said, giving him a sad smile. He nodded, returning the smile as he stood up and wrapped his arms around me. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left quietly.

After Liam left, I resumed my position next to Zayn, burying my face in his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me and he sighed happily. Because he was asleep I was free to let my feelings show and pretty soon the tears were flowing as I tried staying as quiet as possible.

I hadn't even realized that I had gotten any louder until Zayn's hand came up and started stroking my cheek softly. I lifted my eyes to see him watching me carefully. "Sorry…" I whispered.

"For what? Crying? You shouldn't have to be sorry about that. You're free to show whatever kind of emotions you want. If you want to cry, or scream, or swear, or throw things, or punch something, go ahead. No one's going to judge you and no one's going to blame you," Zayn said gently, letting his hand rest on my cheek.

"This really is it, isn't it? The end…of everything," I said slowly, not able to meet his eyes anymore.

There was a sharp intake of breath before he responded. "No honey, this isn't the end of everything. This is the end of me," I winced at his bluntness and he kissed my forehead before continuing. "But this is just the beginning for you. You're going to have a beautiful baby and someday you're going to meet a wonderful guy and get married and live happily ever after."

It was amazing how calmly Zayn was able to say all this, considering the fact that I felt on the edge of a mental breakdown. "How are you so okay with this? You've pretty much just said that you're going to…" I paused, not quite able to say the word, "going to, you know, and yet you're able to talk so calmly."

"I've had a lot more time to think about this than you have. I know that there is a very good chance of me not making it through this and while yes, I am freaking out, there's not anything I can do about it," he replied and, for the first time, I was able to detect a slight tremor to his voice that gave light to how scared he really was.

I took a second to collect my thoughts before lifting my hand and resting it on his hand that was still resting on my cheek. "You know Zayn; you told me that I was free to show whatever emotions that I wanted. But I think that you should be able to as well. I mean, you have every right to cry and scream and whatever. More of a right than I do for sure."

Zayn coughed loudly, causing me to stiffen. "No, don't worry about me. I had my time to freak out before you came and I'm fine now. Promise."

He was lying, I knew it. But I wasn't about to go at it with him about something so stupid so I swallowed and nodded. "And I'll be fine too, I promise," I mimicked, lying just as much, if not more, than he was.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, there were more people coming in and out of Zayn's room than I could count. The doctors came in and did tests, not saying anything to either of us before walking out. Over the course of the day, all the boys came and visited again, the fact that they were saying what would probably be their last words to Zayn evident in their eyes.

Throughout all the visits, I had refused to leave Zayn's side, even as the doctors did their tests. All of the boys, especially Zayn and Liam, had tried to get me to go home for a little while, but I couldn't bring myself to leave his side.

The room was empty for a glorious few minutes before Zayn's family walked inside. One look at all of their faces and I silently got up, kissed my boyfriend, smiled sadly at his family, and left the room for the first time in almost twenty-four hours.

I sat in the waiting room until his family walked out. Without any words, I got up and walked over to them, wrapping my arms around his mom. We stood in relative silence for a couple minutes before I moved onto his dad and then each of his three sisters.

"He wants to see you again," his mom said softly. I nodded and she reached out and squeezed my hand gently before they walked out of the hospital.

Every step on my journey back up to Zayn's room felt like a step towards death row. Which was slightly ironic because I was not the one lying in a hospital bed. _No, that would be your boyfriend_, I thought to myself as I walked back into his room.

"Hey there gorgeous," Zayn smiled at me as I stepped inside. I had only been gone for maybe thirty minutes, but there was a definitely a distinct difference in his appearance.

He patted the edge of the bed and I took a seat, trying my best to return his smile. "Hey Zayn, how are you?"

It was a stupid question, but he chuckled. "I've definitely been better," he teased, causing me to smile for real. I loved the fact that he was still able to be himself even in the midst of his situation.

"You're such a dork," I said playfully, lying down next to him. He rolled his eyes and nudged me before turning towards me and resting his arm across my waist.

We lied there, talking about anything and everything except the inevitable. If I didn't look around the room, it was almost like we were lying in Zayn's bed in his apartment, just like we would always do.

As we talked, I noticed a physical change in Zayn as he slowly got more and more worn down. He started taking longer pauses before answering, and his smiles were slow to appear. I knew the end was coming, and even the thought made tears spring to my eyes.

Zayn stopped in the middle of his sentence, smiling gently at me. "Hey, no crying, okay? I know what you're thinking and you have to stop. I refuse to let you cry." I smiled slightly, wiping my eyes as I nodded. "Good girl," he whispered, kissing me softly.

Less than an hour later, it was over. Our conversation had slowed to a stop until we were simply enjoying each other's presence. His hand was still around my waist and mine was resting on his cheek as we laid there. He kissed me again, my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and my lips. "I love you baby girl," he whispered quietly.

"I love you too Zayn," I whispered back. He smiled softly and took one last breath, his body going slack next to me. Just like that, my boyfriend, my _best _friend, was gone. The tears that had I had held back began falling freely as I clung to him, not quite believing that he was gone.

The next couple hours passed in a blur as the doctors came in and I was kicked out. I collapsed to the floor in the hallway outside his room, still crying silently. I didn't even realize the boys have showed up until they were on the floor next to me, all in varying states of shock and sadness. Niall had his arm around my shoulders, crying freely as he rested his head on my shoulder, Liam was holding my right hand tightly in both of his, silently crying, Louis had my left hand and was trying not to cry, and Harry was pacing up and down the hallway, an angry look on his face.

Eventually we were broken up by the doctors and we were forced to relocate somewhere else. The other boys muttered about having things to do at home, but Liam walked with me, offering to drive me home. There was no way I would be able to drive myself so I gratefully climbed into his car. The ride was spent in silence, although he did keep a hold on my hand as he drove.

Once we reached my house, Liam pulled on my hand, stopping me from leaving right away. I turned towards him, wanting nothing more than to go up and collapse in bed. "If you ever need anything, anything at all, please call me. Zayn told me about…your situation and I don't live too far away so I can be over in a few minutes, okay?"

I nodded, nearly tearing up again at both the sweetness of this boy in front of me and the thoughtfulness of Zayn. He gave me a sad smile and let go of my hand, waving as he drove away.


	4. Chapter 4

In the weeks leading up to Zayn's funeral, Liam had been over to my house almost every night. It had started a couple days after the death and I had woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, sobbing. Not knowing what else to do, I called Liam and he was over in less than five minutes. He sat with me until I had fallen back to sleep, rubbing my back gently.

This had continued pretty much every day, and I had no idea how I would ever make it up to him, even though he assured me that I didn't need to. He was being way sweeter than he should be and although there was nothing between us except the strong bond of two people who had gone through the loss of a loved one together, I still felt bad.

The night before the funeral, I had had one of the worst nightmares to date. I woke up screaming Zayn's name and sobbing loudly and when I tried calling Liam, there was no answer. I tried to fall back asleep, but every time I closed my eyes, terrible images flashed through my mind. Because of this, I got almost no sleep that night.

I stood in front of the mirror that morning, staring at my reflection. Smoothing my hands over my front, I let them rest on the bump that was slowly becoming more prominent. I didn't quite know how to feel about it yet; on one hand I was so excited, but on the other hand, it reminded me of Zayn which was terrible.

Sighing, I turned away, finishing getting ready quickly. There was a knock on the door and I walked over and opened it, revealing Liam standing there with an extremely sorry look on his face. "I am so sorry for not answering the phone last night."

"It's fine, I got through it, it was fine," I lied, giving him a tiny smile. "Ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," he replied and I shut the door behind us, looking it before going and getting into his car.

Although I hadn't seen the other three boys since that day in the hospital, they gathered around me, putting us in almost the exact same positions as we had been in that hallway. There were no words between us, but plenty of tears as the day went on.

I had to admit, I barely remembered any of the funeral, not even the part when I had had to go up and speak in front of everyone. Afterwards, I said goodbye to Zayn's family, giving them all big hugs, and said goodbye to all the boys, wanting nothing more than to be alone right now.

Over the coming weeks, the nightmares became fewer and farther between. I still called Liam almost every night, even just to talk, but he barely ever had to come over anymore.

My stomach was still growing, and the terrible feeling surrounding it was slowly fading and now I was just plain excited. I had no idea how I was going to raise this baby on my own, although Liam had offered more than once to help me out however I needed.

Before I knew it, I was the one in the hospital, wishing with everything I had that Zayn was here to go through this with me. The actual birth of my baby was the one thing that Liam could not help me with and so I was missing Zayn more than ever.

It was even worse, a few hours later, when I was holding a beautiful baby girl. She looked so much like Zayn it hurt, so much so that I had tears in my eyes as I looked at her.

"Hey there," my head snapped up to see Liam standing in the doorway of my room. I smiled to let him know he could come in and he did, sitting next to the bed. "How are you guys doing?"

"Good, we're both doing really well," I replied, subtly wiping the tears off my face.

"The rest of the boys should be here any minute; they're all excited to see her," Liam said with a slight smile, just as the boys in question walked in.

They all gathered around, smiles on their faces for the first time since Zayn had died. "What's her name?" Louis finally asked.

"Mykenzee. Mykenzee Grace," I replied, smiling up at them. "You guys want to hold her?"

They all nodded frantically and I laughed lightly, handing her off to Louis who was on my left. I loved watching them as they interacted with my newborn daughter, cooing in her face and tickling her feet.

It was all fun and light, a complete contrast of the last time we were in a hospital room together, until Harry said offhandedly, "Wow…she's definitely got Zayn's eyes."

Four pairs of eyes turned towards the curly haired boy who had made what would have previously been a harmless comment, but now was simply heartbreaking. The sudden silence caused Harry to look up and his face paled as he realized what he had said. "Shit Chloe, I didn't mean…I'm so sorry…" he stammered.

I blinked a few times, trying to compose myself before answering. "It's fine Harry, don't worry about it. She really does have his eyes. And hair. In fact, she looks more like him than me," I said, trying to make light of the situation.

Luckily, it smoothed over and we went back to fawning over Mykenzee. The boys all stayed for a couple hours, all telling me to call them up whenever if I needed anything or just needed someone to hang out with as they left.


	5. Chapter 5

"Come on Mommy, hurry up!" Mykenzee called from a few in front of me, her little three year old voice echoing through the cold winter air.

I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm as I hiked up the rest of the hill. "Slow down baby girl, Mommy's not nearly as fast as you are!"

She giggled, coming to a stop in front of our destination. I joined her, kneeling down so I was at her level. "You want to give Daddy his flowers?" She nodded and I handed her the small bouquet which she placed on the snow covered ground.

"Happy birthday Daddy! I wish you could be here so we could have a party like I did for my birthday, but Mommy says that you're having a big party up in heaven with the angels. She misses you a whole lot Daddy, and sometimes it makes her cry. I don't like seeing her cry, but I hope you're having fun up there. Talk to you later!" Mykenzee said, a cute smile on her face as she leaned over and kissed the grave stone.

My hands flew to my mouth, trying to hold back the tears at my daughter's words. It had been three and half years and I still would burst into tears randomly. It was even worse on these kinds of days: any of our birthdays, our anniversary, holidays, and especially the anniversary of his death. I tried not to cry in front of Mykenzee, for obvious reasons, but I couldn't hide everything from her.

"Kenz, sweetheart, can you let Mommy talk to Daddy alone for a few minutes? Go play in the snow, okay?" I asked quietly. She nodded and ran off, leaving me alone at my boyfriend's grave.

I took a shaky breath. "Hey babe, happy birthday. It's been almost four years, and I still miss you so much. Some days are better than others, but it's still so hard. I wish you could be here with us, so we could be a proper family, but they needed you up there and we'll have to accept that. Four years later and it still hasn't happened, but I won't give up hope. I'll never forget you Zayn; I love you so, so much."

A soft breeze blew across my face and I smiled sadly; quiet tears falling down my face as I pressed a kiss to the stone before standing up. I watched my little girl for another minute before calling her over. She ran up to me and I scooped her up in my arms, kissing her cheek. "Ready to go baby?"

She nodded, resting her chin on my shoulder. I walked back towards the car carefully, not even bothering to stop the tears as I heard her speak quietly. "Good bye Daddy, I love you."


End file.
